Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 05:06 PM
:grrh: I managed to lose a some of my blog after our server crashed and died and we were unable to save it *sob* It should have been backed up but the posts from over Christmas and new year seemed to vanish into cyber space never to be seen again. *sigh*

Still could have been a lot worst eh.

I canít quite remember what I said in the last month or so, but I can summarise I guess.

Let me see..... :eek: erm

Well, I did not cope as well as I was expecting when we spent our Christmas in Australia. Which made me realise I still would need a period of settling in before I would start to cope as well as I do with the UK accents.

It was kind of an isolating experience for some of it as I truly did not follow the conversation.

A cochlear will always have limitations (although these are far less than the limitations that hearing aids had)

I felt kind of sad that I could not hear the kids laugh and chat when we went swimming - but I am assured that one day some clever person will design a totally water proof processor. Preferably one that I can leave on my head with no ear section all the time even when I sleep - maybe solar powered so I no longer need to change the batteries? :wiggle:

Over January we had some hail stones which normally I would miss due to the fact that I would not hear the noise. However on this occasion I heard the hail against the window and just knew it were hail stones before I looked out side!! :clap: Never has hailstones been so exciting!

Letís see what else..... Well, I finally realised that in a way I am no longer profoundly deaf but I still have a very real hearing disability. My identity has changed to that of someone who is profoundly deaf in one ear - and with moderately good hearing in the other - with the added complication that I have lip-read for over 30 years and my brain keeps telling me I can hear when I canít see people. EVEN THOUGH I BLOODY WELL CAN. But no my brain remains stubborn and insists that I canít possibly hear what is being said!

Itís like believing something to be green with pink spots for 30 years when everyone else says they are blue. After an operation you can see they are blue but you still think of them as pink even though you know they are really blue

I have reached the stage where I have come to realise that my box of tricks no longer work. I can bluff and pretend to hear if I chose too but it makes life harder. I can depend on BSL signers at big seminars - but I can generally hear much better than I can sign which is a disability in its self but only a recent one!

I have finally realised as an individual with a hearing lost on one side I need to embrace my new disability as being "deaf in one ear" and start to put into play new safety nets and ways of coping.

When I think back to my recent position where I would struggle to hear new people's names and hope that I would eventually pick it up in a conversation or other. It would have been much easier to have said to someone look I'm deaf in one ear would you mind writing down everyone's name on my note pad in order of where they are sitting as I find it difficult to catch them? No one would have minded.

Itís just that this never occurred to me.

Some tricks come naturally - such as sitting in the room with my good side facing the main speaker. Other tricks take time to come to me.

It did take me a while to figure out what my identity is too! This is a little tricky on the phone as I'm using the good side. I have settled on "partiually deaf in one ear" although it feels like I should be saying partiually hearing in one ear! But I guess that would be confusing for other mare mortals....

But I still say I'm hard of hearing "could you speak up" "move away from the noise" "say that "word" again"

Every day is a learning curve!


RE Back to normal 
Tuesday, November 28, 2006, 01:23 PM
:uh:I got the map changed back to the orginal on Thursday and it has made a difference even though apprarently the change was so tiny. It just seemed to affect me in a big way and sounded really odd and unclear. Like being underwater or listening to a different langugage.

I went to court on Monday and I am still struggling to get names/ dates/ times and keep up with the general conversation. I dont think court work is ideal for me.

One to one is much better and easier now. Short telephone calls which are not complicated and do not have noisy backgrounds or confused people :eek: as I tend to get confused myself then :cool: are easy to follow anything complicated then I get lost :sad: and unfortunly my job tends to be complicated.

I still have a black processor and I think it looks really cool :cool: so I am much happier with that.

There is a guy at work who is blind and we have communication breakdowns most days. He tends to mutter and sometimes I hear him but I dont always realise that he is talking to me. Sometimes he shouts and I do hear it but I block it out as again I dont realise its directed at me. I have tried to explain to him the problem but I dont think he really understands. He knows I sometimes hear very well and sometimes I dont. He has a bad habit of making a joke (which I miss every time) but when I say "I did not hear that say it again" he always replies "Oh i was only joking dont worry!" :uh::eek::sad: so I never get what his on about.

Its strange how some people I can hear really well (normally the ones I dont wish to) and others who I really want to hear I cant!

I think the new setting showed that I am really dependent on it now and my lipreading has gone to pot! I have noticed that if I have it on setting 2T (telephone) and someone tries to speak to me I just cant lipread them any more! Not even my partner and I always used to be able to lipread him no matter what. I think thats quite scary! Losing a really usful skill and there are still so many occassions when I really need it! *SIGH*

I kinda wish I had the confidence years ago to study something that did not require working with people as its still quite hard trying to listen to all these new voices and sometimes I just cant make the words out. I am not from the north orginally and the accent still throws me sometimes and I just cant make out what is being said. I tend to find women easier to understand than men.

I speak to so many people on the phone these days my brain simply just does not work fast enough. So even when I do hear the name of the person I end up thinking who the heck is Lynda???

If anything my brain is working so hard to hear I tend to be slow at making decsions about other things and generally end up in a bit of a mess which I hate as it stresses me out!

I sound quite blue at the moment and I am blaming the winter and my cr*p job for this!

Roll on christmas! That should chear me up!

RE its horrible 
Wednesday, November 22, 2006, 05:16 PM
I have actually begged the center to let me come in asap (tomarrow) to get the settings changed back to how it was. They are going to leave the whisper setting as it is as that does work.

I was watching TV today and I did not hear a single word. Normally I can pick out the words from the theme tune "Friends" but it sounded muffled and no oral words came through.

I am starting to predict what people are going to say (I have always had the knack of doing this before) rather than actualy hearing them. It feels like I have a moderate hearing loss because I have to lipread.

I have misheard my partner ever since it was remapped!!! I keep having to ask him to repeat things over and over again.

Its like I can hear the sound but it might as well be french as I cant understand it at all.


RE Implant to quite 
Sunday, November 19, 2006, 11:45 AM
I was still having trouble with things being to quite. I found soft spoken people very difficult to hear.

I went back to the clinic to see if I could get it turned up. Also now I am using the phone quite a lot, well every day in fact for work. It would be easier if it was on setting two so I do not have to struggle to chnage settings each time the phone rings.

I explained the problem and I was informed that the software has been upgraded now and they have improved the settinges whisper and beam. Which I do not use but the whisper might help with soft spoken people.

I also mentioned how disapointed I was when we realised I was allergic to the silver processor! As I really hated the pink one. I was offered a black one as apparently it can look like a shaddow and is less noticable.

I actually think it looks quite posh, and really like it. Black is always in!

Its been a week since I had the settings changed and I dont know if its any better. If any thing my partner thinks I am hearing worst. It does seem to be cleaer on the phone and louder as well. But I find my self turning to lipread when having one to one conversation as I do not seem to be able to pick the words out any more.

I have the radio on now and I have not been able to pick out a signle word!:eek:

RE A seminar 
Wednesday, September 27, 2006, 02:02 AM
I went to a seminar yesterday, I had to listen very hard in order to be able to hear the speakers (there were four) some where easier then others.

It made me realise that I would not be able to give this degree of listening if I was back at Uni and I would still need a note taker as I struggled to write things down and also was not sure if I had heard correct or not.

However I did get quite a bit of information and more so than I normally would have got. What I did not always get was the questions that other people asked. But every now and again I would which is a difference from how it used to be. The other thing I noticed was because I could hear the speaker I could eventually figure out where they were. If they spoke again I knew where to look because I could identify their voice to them.

The way it used to be, was I would become aware that someone else was speaking beacuse people would stop looking at the front, and I would follow their direction to try and find out who was speaking. Sometimes I was to late and sometimes I got the end of it. If there was a chatty one I could never identify them so it was always a hunting game for me. Thats changned now.

I think for short seminars (two hours) I can cope, but I was shattered by the time I got home and went stright to bed. I am still really tired this morning too!

I have a two day course comming up soon and it will be intresting to see how I cope there. This will be the basis for deciding what support I might need on a full time course next Jan/Sep (I have not decided yet when I will enroll as I am waiting for the new credits to come into pratice as they are abolishing the orginal course for a whole new idea!)

RE food 
Sunday, September 24, 2006, 06:14 AM
I can't remember if I mentioned this before but if I did'nt then I should have.

After the operation my tongue was numb on the left side (same side as the implant) and food tasted odd. Then it was very sour and later on (a few weeks) it was bitter. Months after (approx 12-14) things suddenly went salty, then VERY salty :eek: I was no longer able to eat crisps as they tasted of pure salt :uh: that went away after about 2-3 months and the only thing that I am left with is the fact that creamy things do not feel creamy and sweet things do not taste as sweet as I expect. However we had a pudding last night with a fruit sauce and it tasted really sharp (which I like) but not to sweet (which I hate) and my partner said it was very sweet and he was suprised I liked it. It was not a pudding I would have chosen (It was acutally my partners I was helping him to finish it - he looked like he was struggling, honest) :lol:

As you probably have guessed by now we went out for dinner last night, and to my horror our fav place which does tapas is no more. Its now a swank up market english resurant. We decided it stay and the food was very nice but I did morn the death of our tapas home. Where we were sitting was fine when we arrived, but as it got darker the shaddows from the lead windows started to fall on James face. Normally this would have bothered the hell out of me as it made lipreading very difficult. Although it was noisy, I was still able to follow (with a little difficulty) what he was saying. The other thing I noticed was I was able to hear the waitress very well. Before my implant waiters and waitress's were silent people to me, I never heard then speak they would whip in and whip out with the menu and I would always end up muttering to James "what did she say the special was?" or "what did she recomend! or "what did she say was very good" it was almost if I was detacted from everyone else and James was my life line into the hearing world in which I did not have a rightful place. I always used to be so amazed to how easy it was to feel so loney and isolated in a room full of people. This ment that I would hog someones attention because one person was much easir to lipread than several. These days I have become much more socialable than I ever thought would be possible as I have always regarded my self as a confident person. I would not say my confidence has improved, but what has changed is the ease in which I can be socialble if I chose too which is a lovely feeling.

RE I have been busy! 
Friday, September 22, 2006, 06:57 PM
I have been so busy at the moment that I have not had a spare moment to stop and think about what I have been hearing! :yuk:

I think for the last month itís pretty much been a case of things settling down and I have not had any new sounds. I thought ah there you go, my honey moon is over now this is as good as it gets and to be honest its way better than good and I was very happy.

Well, whadoya know! I have had my Iron for 5 years now and I never knew that it went ding when it needed water! :eek:I mean how can they get a sound in an iron!!!

People that crack their knuckles drive me insane! :eek: Itís so loud!

Itís getting easier to hear a person in the passenger side when I am driving.

I now drive around with so much confidence because I know that my tom tom sat nav will get me there fine and I can always hear it really well.

I now have a radio in my study. This is a bit hit and miss as I sometimes forget to turn it on, as I have spent 30 years with no background sound and it just does not occur to me to turn the radio on. When I do remember, I tend to get words here and there, and this gets clearer and clearer till I get the odd three words here and there, then the odd five etc and so on but its not easy.

The telephone, I use all the time, although I have occasionally got in to a muddle. The hardest thing to hear is names and names of places. However I hear numbers (mostly) quite well. Itís really frustrating but I think itís not an implant thing. Itís a telephone thing because the amount of people who struggle to hear my name is amazing and they always ask me to spell the name of the street etc so I am guessing that hearing people struggle with this on the phone too.

Now I know why people never seemed to remember the name of who they spoke to when they spoke to (normally a really important person) someone on the phone, they most likely did not hear it in the first place.

Lastly I am having trouble knowing when a sound is something that I should be listening to or not. Sometimes I turn round when I am out and about in town to a sound and listen to it coz I think someone might have said something to me. When in fact I find that I am actually listening to a private conversation and the couple are giving me odd looks.

Other times my work mates can scream till they are blue in the face and I do not respond. When I think back I do recall a sound, and ONLY when I think back I realise it did actually sort of sound like my name. But at the time it just bugged me so I ignored it and filtered it out! :eek: normally this happens when there is a lot going on and to many sounds are around me. I find it harder to hear on the phone when the six of us are together, but fine if I am on my own or there is one other person in the room for example.

I canít hear a thing if the person who answers the phone is in the gym, on a boat, in a place where other people are talking. They have to be in a quite place too :lol:

I watched a programme about Jonny Cash today. Most of his music I cant hear the monotone in it. It sounds flat and boring. The song he sang before he died however ďHurtĒ sounds hunting and moving and sent shivers down my spine. His daughter Roseanne Cash I think her name is, sounds so much like him and sings in the same way as he does. Its hit and miss with music and very much depends on the mood of the person singing. If they put their heart and soul into it, then it might sound as rich as it should, but a lot of the time it does not sound like a song voice to me, just very flat. I am sure this will improve though!

I started a basic maths course and a dress making course. I informed everyone that I am profoundly deaf in one ear and I have an implant in the other. So far I have not felt the need to have a note taker on either of these courses. For me this is amazing as normally I would struggle and could not cope without a note taker.

The only problem I have is the basic maths class is super friendly and they chat a lot, I spend so much time listening to them and also to the class tutor that I get tired and the maths aspect of it does not sink in as much as I would like. I also get a head ach and my eyes hurt, where I start lip-reading cos my head hurts!

Re life is so easy now 
Friday, August 25, 2006, 01:14 PM

Today I went to work and later on I had to go out and walked all the way down to the car only to find my manager had blocked me in (we are allocated two car spaces for the 6 of us) Normally I would off had to walk ALL the way back up the stairs, across the two halls, through the dinning room, across another hall and up some more stairs and ask can you move your car. :lol: Today I walked to the car got my mobile out and rang him and said hi ya can you move your car! :clap:

I listen to the radio when I am driving to work, sometimes I concentrate too much when I should be concentrating on my driving! :uh:

I tried out my partner's tom tom stat navigator the other day and it worked really well. I could hear the directions clearly telling me where to go and I did not have to study the screen that much.

I liked it so much that I now have my own which is brighter and newer software. I tried it out today and it was so easy to use, it was not something I would have considered using before the implant. I can say good bye to getting lost, being late and struggling with the A to Z! :clap:

I can ring James now and ask him a quick question rather than sending him a text and having to wait for the answer.

I met up with a friend the other day for lunch (who also has an implant that was done 10 years ago) and although the cafe was busy I could still hear her rather well. She had forgotten her mobile, but I was able to make the call on mine. Normally I would have asked a hearing person or the station master to make the call by explaining that we were deaf. I used to hate the dependence on total strangers but now itís no longer necessary.

I am glad I became a happier, stable, confident person while I was still very deaf because it has shown me that itís possible to over come problems that sometimes seem very great. However, some how because of that, having the implant has been like being reborn into a whole new life but I am essentially still me, but a door has opened to a world that I have never experienced before and I like it.

I am shocked to how poor my speech became pre implant. I never realised that there were so many words that I was saying wrong.

Now I can hear much clearer I am learning to say words correctly and I am even expanding on my vocabary. My spelling is still not so good though!:wiggle:

Re I am going to do a few courses 
Sunday, August 20, 2006, 10:37 AM
I am currently looking for a dress making course and a maths course.

Once I have got these out of the way I am thinking about doing a French basic language course the following year and possibly a French GCSE.

I feel that if I give myself a year of listening and using the phone -by then I will be ready to learn a new language and I am sure I can hear well enough now to learn one.

We go to France a lot and I noticed last year I could hear a lot of words that people were saying. It pays to learn a second language and it will look good on my CV plus for me it would be achieving something I never dare dream would be possible.


Ooh we have brought a digital Philips radio from Costo and dug out a cheap MP3 player that James brought of eBay because it was only 8 pounds and the memory card that goes with it is worth more than 8 pounds normally.


We have popped on a few songs which I know off and I am going to try it at the Gym tomorrow.

I also have a microphone and speakers and James old webcam for MSN Messenger now so chats on that should be interesting!

I went swimming today and decided to brave the steam room. I donít like the door because its black glass and its hard to know how many people are already in there.

As it happens there were only two people in there but it was a very nice steam room with tiny star lights on the ceiling which changed colour. The steam also had a lovely smell of eucalyptusa nd it was very relaxing. The only thing I did feel was terribly lonely :sad: in there as I could not wear my processor and I just sat there and hoped that no one would try talking to me :ooer:Ė not that I would know as the steam was so thick that I could not see a thing and with out my hearing aid and processor I can't hear a thing!:eek::uh:

I do plan to spend a lot more time in the steam room after the gym and swimming though as it was so relaxing!

RE I am getting a MP3 player 
Saturday, August 19, 2006, 03:12 PM
I have joined the gym - but its so loud in there I cant hear the TV or the music. The gym is cool though as they put the subtitles on.

I have been meaning to get a radio for background sound for ages which is on my wish list at the moment not sure what type though something for my craft room.

However, I thought it would be really cool to get a MP3 Player as they are so small these days and store heaps of music on them, apparently they are really cheap of ebay.

Even if I cant hear the words it would be great to just have background music where I pick up the odd word.


I am using the phone now at work on a regular basis. I have only had a few little muddles! Otherwise its really saved me a lot of time as I can have quick calls to make appointments etc and I have not used my mini com once! I am also using my mobile a lot more now which is great for me as normally when I am out and about I am stuck if I need to call the office. Sometimes I do not answer it though as I do not always hear it. Everyone else does though and they give me funny looks as it is set to ring VERY loudly in my bag! *grin*

We were meant to go to a BBQ this weekend in Wales. But it was so wet and stormy we cancelled as I head there were flash floods and road blocks etc and I was rather worried about not being able to get there or back. Worst weekend for a BBQ really! On Friday I not only saw the lightening but I head the rain and claps of thunder rumbling as well! I actually knew there was going to be a storm ( it got dark which is a bit of a give away) but then I started to hear it rolling across the sky over the building where I work. I have never heard that before it as so amazing. I heard the zap of lightening crashing which was really loud and clear. Then big fat fast rain drops hitting the window which sounded brillient :wiggle:

Back Next